I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she pinky promised me she was 18
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
