aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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