Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
