you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize