well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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