i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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