Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love having hate sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
