So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
