You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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