youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
