Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
