I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
