hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
