You made me cry and you don't even care
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
