when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
