worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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