I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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