you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
