Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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