OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
