I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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