here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
