I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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