I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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