the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
BRING THE BAGELS
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
