new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
