he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
