just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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