So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize