you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
