so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
either way he was missing a nipple.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
