I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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