I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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