I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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