if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
