"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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