i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I want a musical about memes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
