What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
