If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
