Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
