It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
