How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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