You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
