dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
