I wish I only lived at night.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
