the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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