what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
