she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
