pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
love makes seman taste better
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have aggressive nipples.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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