i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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