Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
