i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
