you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
