Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
