I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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