yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
