Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
