Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
