Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
