its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
