how can u be prego again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize