Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize