The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
