Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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