I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i've created a new STD.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
