I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize