i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
