I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
